


Rei, if only you knew...

by Sombereyes



Category: Sailor Moon - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/F, Romance, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-01
Updated: 2013-10-01
Packaged: 2017-12-28 03:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/986991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sombereyes/pseuds/Sombereyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Minako has some things she hasn't told Rei, purely because she's afraid too. Oneshot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rei, if only you knew...

**Author's Note:**

> Author Note: I am new to this place, so I have mercy with me. Most song fictions I see are clustered words that break up the story. I want to try something different. Part of the lyrics are things Minako will actually say. Anything in Italics are song lyrics. Be mindful of that when reading. If the idea is commonly liked, then please, let me know, and I may do more with the idea. Please, keep in mind, this is my first try with something like this.
> 
> The song is called: I want you to know.  
> It's sung by: Leahy
> 
> Sailor Moon is NOT mine, but you knew that already, didn't you?

My life, it is little more than a song, cast in mystical tones, both overly joyful, and sorrow so deep, you'd never begin to know where it stems from. I've always been that way, haven't I? So happy, so free, so, well, so me. The reality is, I'm not so. My feelings, they do not my heart justice. It's just, too complicated. I can't say it, but surely I can think it. In my own little corner of the world, one that you can't see, and never dare to reach, I can say, and think, all that I'd like. If only...no, never mind.

If I could take you to this place, it'd be far easier. In hues more vibrant that the colors of the gods, I'd show you the true depth of my soul. My feelings, fears, laughter, it would all slip from my lips as simply as a passionate night's kiss. One after our first date. Yes, I'd like that. Would you take me out? Wine me, dine me, and then, would you offer to hold my hand within the warmth of yours on the cold stroll home? I wonder that.

Rei, if I could tell you what I felt, perhaps you'd understand me. I'm not always so easy going. I have my worries too. My fears, insecurities I cannot release upon my breath. I do love you, Rei. More than you can understand. More than you will ever know. However, I regret that I must remember love simply isn't enough. I need more than those simple words. I need unwavering understanding, and Rei, that is your weakness. With strength unmatched, I've seen you do things, scream vows, and believe the unseen. I know you do so, because that is who you are.

I...I'm not so much like that. Instead, like a boat sailing on the ocean, I'm far from anything. So far away, I sometimes feel I can't reach you either. I find that even when I try, you don't reach back. As if no matter what I do, the distances is farther than I understand. I know there are many reasons for it, and I won't begin to try and justify any of them. If I did, I know it would make you mad, and listing them would outright infuriate you. The differences are clear as day though, and I hoped one day you'd see them on your own, without me having to explain it for you.

Our families are different. Mine, well it isn't perfect, but it is a family. It stays together, regardless of how much we fight, and yes, we do fight often. I can't understand you. I can't begin to comprehend how you feel, fighting so hard against what you hate. I know you don't want to become your father, but you are his child Rei. You are. It's an unchangeable fact, and perhaps, not a bad one. You'll be better than he is, I just know that. You'll be better than him, because you detest him so much, you'll never make his mistakes. We wouldn't let you. I wouldn't allow it.

I just wish I could hold you, and that you, a woman who takes faith in almost anything, would take faith in me.

If you did, I'm sure I'd tell you many things, like all of this burden I hold in my heart _. I want you to know._ I want you to begin to understand. Beyond that, Rei, I don't honestly have the courage to stand and face you. In a stand down between warring hearts, and barely there emotions, my resolve would crumble. Do you love me? That's what I need to hear, see, feel. Oh god, do I need that affirmation. _How much I love you,_ is a question I simply can't answer. I don't have one. It would be, limitless I guess...

Yet, not a love struck across time. Our pasts and our futures, well, I dunno. I can't say what it will bring. Only one woman can after all, and even if she could tell us, would she? Likely, not. She would only call us silly, telling us we knew better than to ask her. I bet you anything, that's what she would do.

 _Though words are not enough to say,_ not enough comfort for you, I wish you'd listen to me. Rei, your so difficult. I think that's what I admire most about you, and it is also the one thing I have trouble moving past. If I tell you things will be alright, why can't you take my words at face value? Why can't you have trust. Yet, you expect me to have trust in you. Faith in you, because that's what you expect. Rei, I cannot, will not, won't ever allow some barriers to fall from my heart. I just can't anymore _, and I can't describe_ my hesitation towards you, even though god knows I'd try. If I thought...No. _This feeling that I feel inside_ , it is far too difficult for any mere conjecture.

Rather, if I knew. If I had answers for myself, about who you really are, beyond being a Senshi, further than your human side... If I knew your soul that you bury deeply within you, guarded by thick walls, then I know I'd have something. It would be a start, anything I could go by, any reading I would be safe. I just, Rei, I've no idea if you could possibly love me. Honestly I'm frightened for that answer. If I love you too much, I can't ever let you go. Yet, if I don't let you in enough, you'll never really know, will you?

I am hopeless, aren't I?

Then again, so are you...Rei, for as much as you talk big, you crumble. The names of those you must protect face every battle with you. We do so, almost so that we can stand by your warmth. Rei, we're happy with that, and I...

I'm in awe that you have the willpower to become as wonderful as you can be. I've seen you do great thing, some of them, even I would never try to do. Sadly, you're all talk. If there's no one to protect, the once defiant girl, with strong speech, and even greater actions, she falls. Even someone as weak as her own father is enough to squash her like a bug, a heartbeat isn't fast enough to recover from his words. It's as if you lose all hope, and sometimes even lose to your own feelings... more than that Rei, you lose your path in life, one so bright, you shouldn't be able to miss it. _You will never be alone,_ fate almost guarantees that. Will friendship be enough for us? That answer I don't have either, but I hope the answer is no.

Why is that?

 _I want you to know how much I love you._ I want to scream it from the hill tops. Can I? Should I? That answer, I know it too well. We're Senshi, warriors. That's why, It's also a reason that... I can't say as I feel I should. _It's something I can't expla_ _in._ It'll hurt so many people if I do.

I wonder Rei. How much can I take, how far can I go? We may be Senshi, but we have hearts too. They need warmth. That's a simple fact. A Reality we cannot change. It would be, oh god, what's that word Ami uses? Presumptuous? I think it is, anyway, I guess she's right. Thinking that we're all meant to be together, it is a bit simple minded. Even I know there are likely to be many people in the future, people we could reach out for. Warmth that will be offered. Until then, rather, I hope that doesn't happen at all. I don't want to assume for a moment I may lose you for someone else. Perhaps, even one of us, one of our fellow Senshi. It'll split us up, and I need everyone, but most of all. I need you.

All of you, Rei.  
Your devotion.  
Your unwavering heart.  
Your defiant stare.  
Your anger at the world.  
Your want to change it.  
Your drive to become one of the best.

Your love...

and...

your arms to hold me...

That's what I want. A _nd deep in this mystery I know, I know, we'll always be here together. You and me.._ After all, Rei, it is our destiny...even, if you never know...and although I may never say...we are bound by fate, and so no matter what, I will be here.

Even if the only reason left, is because I can't escape...

~Fin~


End file.
